I am need to stop texting her all day . i don't know how she feel about this but maybe this is a kind of pain for her so let me know when she weak up,  when she went out , when she reach back, I believe it's better to let her call me first when she will be free.

so she don't need to take pain to reply my text and all the others thing. When ever she call me i feel so excited and started asking sooo many questions like when she back back  why need to much time what she did . let her talk it's take time because maybe she was doing something she don't want to be late right she also want to come home as soon as possible so that she also can take some rest why i need to ask why it's take so long to come back . Explaning everything is kind of pain for her. I also can feel that so need to be relax and let her be relax first  She share everything with me without even asking so why i need to ask first. Another thing she know how to take care of herself and she is doing this alone there for so long so i don't need to do the  extra care because it's sounds toxic and it's really true repeating something question again and again. i need to work on me again like before i was when i let her talk, i let her lead her life and when she got time she call and we talk for long time .

Something Really Amazing happend today and i reliaze how much overthing i can do in a single minute. So today after i weakup from sleep i fresh up my self have breakfirst and than call her . She just cut the call without any back text such as i am busy or outside can't talk something like that. So i started things like she don't want to talk right now however she is at home now maybe she is ignoring me or maybe she went to sleep but maybe she can just text me back and let me know that she is sleeping or something but she didn't so as i always do i started overthinking. but at my time around 5-30Pm she text me and let me know that she had a very bad day something happend and will talk with me latter . That was really something that i didn't expect today.

it was really a great start of my day. After i weak up she called me and we spend arounfd 2 hours taking with each other howover she talk about her life her old memeories from childhood . Everything feels really great .

 It's the 2nd day we are not taking anymore . i called you yesterday morning you didn't pick it up and not even text or call me back in the whole day. and today it's almost 8pm in your time but you still didn't get any chance to call me back . So you are that much busy that can't even make 1-2 minutes to just call me back or text me to let me know what's going on while you don't even have any job that you are busy and can't manage time to just text me back while there is 24 hours in a day and no one can be busy 24 hours . So its all about priority and creviting to talk. You don't have the craving or neediness to talk with me that i have . since yesterday you can't find out 1-2 minutes to talk with me don't ecen response my call so why i need to wait for your's. if you are okay with not taking with me then so i. You moved on and just using me for your emotional support and as an ideat i am always here for you helping you to use me. 

From yesterday i noticed something . the urgency i have to talk you with you, you don't have that. i always feel like creving to talk with you but you don't feel the same. Yesterday you want out with your girls and plan to stay at Jess house that's okay but don't you got 1 min just to call or text me that i am at jess house and we can't talk today or even a good night text , i don't think that sending a text will take more then 10 sec . But it's all about importancy and priority. Today you did the same. I waited whole day setting on my table waiting for your call fixing my schedule according to your Free time and in reture i am just hurting my self nothing else.

We can't talk yesterday because you was outside and today same thing happened . You want out with your Friends and i waited whole day for your call when you will returen home and will call me we will talk. But you didn't even give me a text that i came home feeling tried so want to sleep now talk with you tomorrow. You don't even get the time to just let me know that you came back home. And this side i am setting on my table not even going outside hoping that if you call and i am outside we can't talk.

Those feeling really hurting me the way i never thing. And do you know the worse thing i want to talk with you about this but i can't because what's the point ???
If you want to let me know you will but you don't so what's the point asking you why didn't you text me or let me know when you came back home . Day by Day i am reliazing i am just an option in your life you are really selfish you only thing about you ..what you like to do, what you want in life ,what you want your need your feeling everything around you is about you . You spend 4 years with me and now you are acting like i don't even exit in your life my present does not make in changes in your life. You never thing about my feeling never ever thing before telling anything to me if your word hurt me . 

You never thing about my feeling but here i am always thing about you always thing about your safty your happiness your care.

Today is 09-01-26 a new year and i completed my BSC just waiting for the thesis result and then apply for the Certificates. We started taking again for almost 2-3 weeks and things going very smooth but this time i don't have any expectation i just don't want to hurt me again . So i need to stop expecting that everything will be same again because there is no way to fix it. this time i don't want because you never thik about my feeling never think before hurting me so no need to fix this , this time.

Btw you look beautiful. Today something happen that actully again make me relize that i am again doing the same mistake. today you say you moved on and we can't be togather again. So that's the final thing i want to hear. This time when we star taking again i though you reliazed that how much you love me how strongly you miss me but i was wrong. You make it clear that there is no hope to make this work. So i need to stop putting the effors i am putting and i need to make myself distance from you. I need to stop expecting calls or sms from you. I need to stop showing that i was waiting for your text or call. i need to hide my feeling from you. But the hard part is that i can that's why i write my feeling here just hoping one day you will see those post and reliaze how much i love you and how badly i want to be togather.

 

                                                                            

                                                                     Thesis Book

06-01-26 The day when finally finished my bachelor by attending the thesis defence. Now the time comes when i am